Juu's B'day
Happy birthday! A compilation in honor of you.
Wit n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
Aristotle
Wit is educated insolence.
Lady Astor: 'If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee!'
Churchill: 'My dear, if you were my wife I'd drink it.'
George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays to Winston Churchill with the following note: 'Bring a friend, if you have one.'
Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself as he had a previous engagement. He also attached the following: 'Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one.'
House of Commons late one night:
Bessie Braddock: 'Winston you are drunk!'
Winston Churchill: 'Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I will be sober.'
Churchill is dozing in a train carriage. A woman enters and sits across from him. She notices his flies are undone. 'Sir!' she exclaims, 'Your penis is sticking out!'
Churchill starts awake, gives the woman a cold stare, looks down for a moment then meets her gaze again. 'Madam, you flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out.'
George Bernard Shaw
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli: 'I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease'.
Disraeli replied, 'That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'
Lady Nancy Astor
'I married beneath me. All women do.'
Jean Harlow: 'Why you're Margot Asquith, aren't you?' (mistakenly pronouncing the 't')
Margot Asquith: 'No my dear, the 't' in Margot is silent, as in Harlow.'
Oscar Wilde: 'Do you mind if I smoke?'
Sarah Bernhardt: 'I don't care if you burn.'
Dorothy Parker
From a book review: 'This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force.'
Mahatma Gandhi
On western civilization: 'It would be a good idea.'
Ernie Kovacs
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
Adlai E Stevenson
During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai E Stevenson 'Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!' Stevenson called back 'That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!"
Donna Gephart
If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot.
Excremens tauri intellecti vincit.
Latin for "Bullshit conquers all."
posted by star @ 6:59 PM
1 Comments:
haha---nice photos. heard you guys were up till like 1 or 2?
heh---germany won! boohoo for argentina (im not being very nice, am i? but hey, germany got double the number of penalty goal shots---heh). anyways, ttyl! -ces
ps. we ought to go out for badminton sometime. when are you available?
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